Wisdom of the Sea; Water Returns to Source

Building the Backstory

Where does one begin the retelling of a lifetime..? Well, my life isn’t over, so it’s not yet a full lifetime, but 43 years certainly feels like a lifetime has already been lived. The age-old advice of starting at the beginning doesn’t feel quite right here, as I’ve been reborn so many times, the beginning is hard to pinpoint. Plus, memories don’t generally solidify until between the ages of 5 and 7, so the first beginning isn’t saved in my mind, but I do have access to memories of stories told about those early years. But I digress, as I often do.

Who I am today is a compilation of all the versions of myself I’ve been. Who I am today is but a piece of who I will be tomorrow, a smaller piece of who I will be in a decade.

My story is no more linear than the true nature of time, so the vignettes, anecdotes, memories, side notes, tangents, and conversations portrayed herein will follow no predictable path, except to completion and rejuvenation in waves. A journey of journeys told poetically and without apology.

Writing this [book] has been on my to-do list since I was 12 and in 7^th Grade AP English studying the symbolism embedded in American Literature. Annoyed by the arrogance of my fellow sagacious students and the purposely hidden knowledge I felt entitled to, I proclaimed that one day I would write a book free of symbols and double meanings, I would speak directly, clearly, and to the masses. But what would I say..? What message did I have to share that was worth knowing? Thirty-one years later I’ve finally begun, putting fingers to keyboard if not pen to paper. The story is mine; the message is for you – my gift to you is me.

I have been described by many words; in alphabetical order instead of frequency, weight, or acceptance:

Abrasive, angry, assertive, bitter, brutal, charming, confusing, conscientious, crass, crazy, curious, demure, determined, difficult, frustrating, funny, gorgeous, honest, independent, inquisitive, inspiring, intelligent, jaded, kind, loving, lucky, mercurial, mystical, nice, obstinate, pedantic, perseverant, promiscuous, prudish, reliable, resilient, responsible, sagacious, sarcastic, sassy, sexy, skinny, smart, spiritual, strong, stubborn, unassuming, warm, and witty.

There are contradictions and paradoxes in the words that describe me. But all are true, to some degree, by someone’s perception, at some point in time or another. And the truth is, you are likely to be described by many of the same words as me, and many others that don’t seem to make sense in conjunction with others. But each of us in our uniqueness is in a constant state of change, both by our own perceptions and by the perceptions of each individual who knows us. Social Multiplicity and Sonder are fun concepts to explore for a deeper understanding.

Like ourselves, water is in a constant state of change and movement. It is said that water always flows to the ocean, an ancient concept seen across cultures. The Bible states, “All the rivers run into the sea, Yet the sea is not full; To the place from which the rivers come, There they return again” (Ecclesiastes 1:7; New King James Version). The water cycle requires that as the river flows to the sea, the evaporation and subsequent release of the sea’s water as rain will refill the river to flow back into the sea again. The contradiction in one’s perception of self can be seen in this analogy – who I am today is not necessarily who I will be tomorrow; how I see myself is not necessarily how you see me.

In the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu extends the idea to the interconnectedness of people, “all streams flow to the sea because it is lower than they are. humility gives it its power. if you want to govern the people, you must place yourself below them. if you want to lead the people, you must learn how to follow them [sic].” The river becomes the ocean, and the ocean in turn becomes the river. There is no true distinction, no beginning and no end. It is merely in our perception of self and of others that creates the context of power of one over another.

Water is also said to follow the path of least resistance, flowing downhill and around objects. When caught, it will absorb into the ground, or in extreme cases and with ample time, it will destroy its captor (e.g. the erosion that led to the formation of the Grand Canyon). We are not meant to be static in personality or form. Our bodies grow and develop physically as well as mentally and emotionally. The physical changes in our lives are more obvious to ourselves and to others, but the mental and emotional changes can be hidden, subdued, and mercurial. Stagnant water leads to toxic microbial buildup, infectious diseases, growth of pest populations, and environmental or structural degradation. It is the changes in our lives and ourselves that keep us healthy and thriving. It is in interaction with others and our environment that we maintain change, and thus our survival.

Oddly enough, as I am writing this [book] without heavy symbolism and obscured wisdom, I finally see the importance of such superfluous practice. The novice is not meant to be the master; the teacher is not meant to be the student. But as ever intended, we know what we are meant to know, when we are meant to know it.