To think, or not to think? – the thought behind the gift

When giving a gift, does a lack of thought get more credit than it deserves?

When a gift falls flat we are told that it was the thought that counts, giving the impression that the ‘thought’ refers to the mere giving of a gift, not the thought that goes into the choice of gift to be given. It’s often used to diminish embarrassment or disgust in the amount of money spent on a gift, reminding the disappointed recipient that a cheap gift is better than no gift at all, and a cursory ‘thank you’ is still required. A gift that can’t or won’t be used by the recipient may also invite a reminder about the thought counting so highly, again implying the importance of giving over the gift itself.

How much thought do you put into a gift? Do you reach for the tried-and-true gift, the things we expect everyone to love? Do you look for a trendy gift, the hot new toy or latest gadget? Do you give your favorite things to your favorite people, sharing your joy from experience? Do you ask the recipient for a list of wants and needs and pick something affordable or easy to get? Or do you consider the recipient, their personality, their interests, your shared history and inside jokes, and choose a gift that is suitable only for them?

When the thought is what counts, shouldn’t there be more of it? A gift is intended for the recipient’s joy, comfort, or celebration, not the giver’s pleasure or pride. Said another way, the giver’s pleasure or pride are meant to come from the recipient’s joy, comfort, or celebration. A gift chosen without thought is empty of that intent. The most thoughtful gifts are those that are personal and unique to the recipient.

In all fairness, sometimes the thoughtless gift is the most honest or appropriate gift. Gifts have become big business year ‘round. It has become typical for gifts to be given for major holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, the start of things, the end of things, and ‘just because’. Gifts are given to family, friends, neighbors, teachers, doctors, garbage men, and delivery drivers. Gifts are everywhere and all the time, so our capacity for thoughtful gifts (and sometimes the cost of them) is stretched thin.

The thought behind the gift is closely tied to the relationship with the recipient; the more valued the relationship, the more thought required.

It’s the thought that counts!