Maiden, Mother, Crone – reframing and expanding the phases of femininity

There are three distinct phases in a woman’s life, biologically speaking. There is childhood, when a girl is young and energetic, inquisitive and fanciful. The hormones of adolescence have yet to haze her and the future before her is bright. Then the onslaught of puberty transitions her into womanhood with anxiety, doubt, and the all-encompassing first crush that shapes her journey towards motherhood, should she follow that traditional path. Maturity comes with increased freedom, but also heavier burdens, as the vicissitudes of fertility and menstruation pull her along through time. Finally, as the bleeds slow down and eventually cease, a calmness of mind and body allows her to serve those around her with wisdom and insight. Menopause is the sigh of a woman’s journey, pulling her back into herself and her true essence. These three phases are commonly referred to as maiden, mother, and crone, respectively.

Maiden: young and independent female; innocence

Maiden calls to mind a young female, demure and a little naïve. She is not married, though perhaps she has a crush or a couple suitors hoping to catch her eye. She wears her hair long, rebelling against tying it back, preferring to feel the wind blow through it, whispering messages of excitement and freedom. She dreams of a future full of travel and romance. The world is her oyster, but there isn’t a grain of sand in sight.

Mother: mature and nurturing female; creation

Mother describes a woman who creates life and provides warmth and sustenance. She is strong, both physically and emotionally, having learned that life requires fortitude to carry a child on her hip and support her partner through adversity. She is also soft, providing comfort and nourishment to her family, offering grace for mistakes and sanctuary for rest. She longs for quiet moments for self-care and recognition of her steadfast dependability.

Crone: unpleasant or ugly old female; wisdom

Crone provokes fear and disgust. She is wrinkled and withered, mean and ornery. She is wise and experienced, yet selective in whom she gifts knowledge and advice. Pushed to the edges of society, lest she spoil the innocence and creation of the maidens and mothers, she is left to solitude and silence. Her femininity is but the dregs of her former glory, and only the brave or insane dare seek her out.

That final phase, the period of the crone, takes a sharp downward turn in imagery. The sudden drop in value and influence of a woman of a certain age is alarming. Ancient cultures revered the final female phase, looking to grandmothers and aunties in society for wisdom and life lessons to protect the younger generations from repeating errors from which previous generations had already learned. They also provided additional support for families and tribes, offering their skills to provide food, clothing, childcare, and emotional support. The image of the crone from helpful elder to bitter nuisance shifted as the agricultural and then industrial revolutions put more emphasis on physical labor better suited to males. With the rise of modern medicine, the crone’s knowledge of traditional and folk medicine was stigmatized as ineffective at best and harmful at worst. Then modern media practices shunned the aged female entirely, preferring to ignore her existence in favor of edited, filtered, and unnatural perpetual youthfulness.

The stark contrast of today’s crone to the wise woman of the past is an insult to humanity and must be revised.

As a great fan of literary tools, I find the C of crone jarring against the uniformity of the M heard in both maiden and mother. I’ve longed to replace the word with another M word with similar meaning and have settled on mentor. Although a gender-neutral term as applicable to a man as to a woman, mentor maintains the energy of wisdom and provides the alliteration I seek.

Mentor: an experienced guide; wisdom

Mentor defines a person who provides guidance and counsel. She is confident in her words, choosing them carefully to convey messages without insult or confusion. She values rest over exertion, flowing easily with the transition of time through the seasons and tides of nature, setting an example of life’s cadence. Easily found when sought, but unobtrusive and undemanding to those not yet ready to carry her hard-won wisdom.

Not all women become mothers. Not all women make it to the mentor phase. Some women find a fourth phase somewhere within their lifespan. Thus, I proffer an additional phase, which can insert itself between, within, or in lieu of any of the previously identified phases.

Muse: a source of creative inspiration; beauty

Muse glorifies the spark of inspiration that births art in all its forms. A smile, a gentle touch, a word of encouragement; all inspire response and expansion. She is emboldened to speak her mind, her words a Siren’s song of seduction. Her movements create ripples of anticipation that can be felt in the breeze. Her gaze holds you hostage and bids you to beg for release from the invisible bonds.

I find glimpses of myself in each of these phases. The phases are not as distinct as my understanding of biology would indicate. I didn’t transition from maiden to mother overnight, my role as muse has been intermittent for decades, and I have served as a mentor in many capacities prior to the shift previously relegated to that of crone. The definition of a woman’s life cannot be boiled down to a mere four words. It is with gratitude and grace that I reframe and expand my femininity, serving as a maiden in memory, a mother to my family, a mentor to others, and a muse to myself.